Thousand miles to go before I sleep...

For once again, another year in my life has gone by - wasted.

*nods, nods*

Yes, wasted, people - I wasted another year of youth in my life, doing nothing and achieving nothing. Bah, I am still studying, not graduated yet and at the same time, pathetically working my arse off and sacrificing my nights of beauty sleeps just to stay up to do my work and also assignments.

How pathetic can your life get if you don't have time for yourself?

Just few days ago, my dad funnily asked me, "Eh, when do you wanna get attached? Your mum is trying to match-make your cousin with one of her friend's daughter who's a pharmacist. The girl is one year younger than you."

I went, "What?! LOLX, mum should match-make me instead."

Okay, I was joking with dad but honestly, all of a sudden, I feel like my life is pathetic. I have everything from top to toe, exception for two things that I really crave in my whole quarter of century life - a slender body and also a loving as well as respectful boyfriend.

All my life, I've been dying to get these two things.

The question is - when will my dreams come true?

Mum always put everything into a simpler form for me, "It's all because you're fat, so, you can't find a boyfriend. Look at your cousins who are slim and slender, they all have boyfriends now and look at yourself..."

Then, she'd always go speechless.

I admit, there is a part of me that agrees with what mum has said... FAT MEANING NO BOYFRIEND.

Every time when I get wedding invitation from my friends, it always break my heart. I have met guys before, for example...

• Guys that made me fell head over heels in love with them and then, told me, "No, Angel, you're not the one for me." One word - bastard.
• Guys who were never honest, "I can't tell you if we'll be together or not now because I can't predict the future. What if I say no to you right now and in few years to come, we really get together? Wouldn't it be unfair for you?" He pretended to be a gentleman. One word - idiot.
• Guys who crave sex as well as money, often telling me, "It's nothing even if we have sex now because you'll marry me sooner or later. If you do marry me, can you get one of your dad's cars for me so that I don't need to waste my money to buy another?" One word - moronic.

Sad but true.

I guess Mr. Right is so hard to come by.

Just like any other girl, I wish I'd find my Mr. Right soon since age is catching up. Every time when I look at those friends who are attached, I'll start wondering, "Is it something wrong with me except being fat?"

Gorgeous wedding portraits from my friends often stir my feelings. Secretly, I wish I could be in their shoes, just to experience what does it feel like to be wearing the white gown, walking down the aisle with their other halves.

Perhaps, instead of sitting here and wait for my Mr. Right to fall from the sky, I might just have to be like Sandra Bullock.


Then, I would be the one getting down on my knee, saying, "Will you marry me?"

I bet the guy whom I am proposing to will run with tail tucked behind his back if I were to do so. Hence, yeah, I'm saying something stupid.

Muahahahahahaha!

Now, you can strangle me!

Somehow or rather, a friend told me, "Why do you need to worry about what your mum has told you? It's NOT true. There's NO such thing as if you're fat, you can't find your other half because nobody like a fat girl."

Perhaps, when you're not in the situation yourself, you will never understand the emotional torture one has to go through because of all the untrue stories.

Do you know the feeling of looking into the mirror every single morning, dreading over the reflection in the mirror because you're just too fat?


In my case, I'm the girl in the mirror, perhaps worse than her - like 10kg or 20kg heavier, or maybe 30kg - at least that is what I think. I don't even have the guts to upload my REAL picture, hence, I photoshop kao kao all my lemak so they disappeared but I still am fat, okay?

As much as every girl desires to be famous and loved because of their beauty, I am no exception but I don't wanna be FAT and FAMOUS. Maybe, let's just ditch the point about being famous. I'm good at where I am now.

Now, if you don't know me, please don't stupidly come to me and say, "You're fat because you eat a lot and you never try hard enough to lose weight."

This statement will probably be thrown back at you because, hell - I did try and I lost quite a lot of weight but I am still fat and growing. I fought my weight issue throughout my years in university and if you don't know me well, I'd appreciate if there is no question.

Sometimes, the feeling is just intolerable especially when you wake up in the morning, all that in your mind is, "I wish I were Lee Da Hee."

I know there's no use grumbling and tormenting myself over what I don't have because I'm quite certain there are souls out there, telling me to count my blessings instead of agonizing over what I don't have.

Don't worry, I'm good. It's just that time of the month and I need to grumble.

Who knows, maybe in years to come... my final two wishes will come true...


And I can live happily ever after...

Wish me luck!

Tough time, touch luck!

At this time every semester, I'm facing a lot of tensions.

Even now, a time when I should sleep and get ready for my presentation tomorrow and next week, I've to admit, I have not done a thing. Sad but true.

Anyway, wish me luck for these 2 weeks and I'll meet you back here again pretty soon! I promise, I'll upload more pictures!

Tired

I told one of my very close friends that I've been feeling so goddamn tired all of a sudden.

No, I'm not tired due to workload or studies but it's just a feeling that I've been carrying a burden all these whiles without having somebody to share that burden with.

Somehow or rather, I feel like my presence somewhere, is taken for granted. People expect me to all sorta things but at the end of the day, they cannot see what I've gone through just to finish everything.

It's high time for me to let go of all the stupid emotion thingies because all the emo-ness is killing me softly! I need to be tough!

Bencana alam dalam bilik saya...

The weather has been so goddamn hot for the past few days that the Rain God finally shone His grace upon us and gave us rain last night.

When I said RAIN, it doesn't mean just rain alone.

Bencana alam dalam bilik saya, tahu?

The Rain God was kind enough to let the rain being assisted by thunder and lightning. Yes, that was really good but, but, but... some disasters happened in my room due to the heavy downpour last night.

I went to sleep as early as 1.30a.m. only to be waken up by the sound of glasses cracking two hours later. It was pretty creepy. I remember waking up at 3.25a.m. when I heard noises and my brother told me to close the window because the wind was too strong that all my mid-open windows were blown to wide open!

Then, he told me not to shut all windows and to leave one just in case the room would be stuffy. I listened to him, went and shut one window before telling him to put his laptop away since it was placed besides the window just in case it kena the rain.

Then...

The big thing...

Yes, the big, hairy thing came...

Haha...

Not so creepy but it me with my big mouth...

Not even up to one minute I've told him that, kaboooom... my vanity mirror that was place at the other side of the window fell down and it missed my brother's laptop by just an inch with the glasses thrown onto my bed!

MCB... lucky I wasn't hurt or else I'll be cursing the Rain God!

My brother had his eyes opened and stared at me for a moment and said, "You and your big mouth!"

Alright, my fault but I didn't expect it to happen so soon, alright? I could still laugh it off and told Bernard that my brother's laptop is super invincible. Just a month ago, the screen cracked due to heat and it was just taken home yesterday morning. At night, something else happened that ALMOST cracked his screen again! Hahaha...

So, at 3.30 in the morning, three of us including Bernard had to wake up to clear the glasses and I cut my index finger! Stupid bad luck!

Fuck you, Sakae Sushi!

I'm still angry after last night's entry, goddammit!

I thought things would be better since we went to Starbucks, Jaya One and also Sakae Sushi, 1 Utama to celebrate Aminah Too's birthday.

Aminah Too was so damn happy because it was her first time at Sakae Sushi even though Princess has been mentioning about the nice and fresh and also cheaper salmon sushi there since we got to know her years ago!

The fact was I was a little skeptical over the idea of going to Sakae Sushi at 1 Utama because during my last visit there 2 months ago, their service and food sucks big time!

Having working under F & B for quite some time, I know very well about what to expect especially from restaurants that require service charge. Even for Starbucks, when customers need not pay the service charge, we still need to do clean up!

Lemme just tell you what happened. We stepped into Sakae Sushi around 8.45p.m. and waited 5 minutes for the staff to show us our seats. Fine, no problem with that. Then, when we were seated, I realized our table was wet, so, I tried calling the staff to wipe the table - waited 5 minutes for ONE staff to respond but she said, "Wait a minute!"

Alright, I waited... another 5 minutes passed by, I called the second staff. AGAIN, he told me, "Wait a second."

Okay, label me as impatient, I don't care... I waited for another 5 fucking minutes and called the third staff. For the fucking third time, she told me to WAIT!!!

Fuck all of them!

I had to resort to call the manager to clean up the freaking table for me in the end!

After looking through the menu for quite some time, we were ready to order. I waved. Princess waved. Aminah-chan waved too. MCB, none of the staff entertained us! I was already grumbling and grumbling that I bet the chef heard all the taboo words I was using. After 10 minutes, a staff after telling us to wait came to us to take our orders.

So, 5 minutes later, the staff came back to us saying, "Sorry, Fried Maki sold out."

Then, she just went off like that!

Impudent staff!

She didn't even give us a chance to make second order!

Aminah-chan and I were getting a little irritated already until our temaki were served, we realized they gave us the wrong order! So, Princess told the chef to change just one order because I wanted Spicy Salmon Temaki but it ended up the chef too three of the orders away from us and we were given back two Tuna Temaki.

Where the hell did my Spicy Salmon Temaki go?!

It was only until few minutes later, when I was ready to burst out of anger that Princess told me to calm down and reminded the chef that he had make a mistake in taking away the Spicy Salmon Temaki.

To hell with your professionalism!

Alright, calm down, Angel, calm down!

Then, when our Miso Soup came, the staff ended up bringing us only ONE bowl when we ordered TWO bowls! I had to wait for another 5 minutes before telling the staff that we were short of one bowl. Not only that, we asked and asked for spoons for three fucking times but the stupid staff didn't even give us the spoons even though two of them said, "Okay, okay."

Princess and I resorted to drink the soup directly from the bowl. I was feeling so unsatisfied with the service altogether!

It then, Aminah-chan decided to order Salmon Maki. First, she told a lady staff... We sat there, waiting patiently for Aminah's order - 5 minutes, 10 minutes. Fuck those people at Sakae Sushi! What the hell were they doing? Aminah reminded the staff for second time and we waited for another 5 more minutes before Princess decided to walk off since the service there stepped on our tails.

Fuck you, Sakae Sushi - for ruining my day and also my friend's birthday!

Surviving after 6 hours...

Can you guys actually believe that I finally reached home after a freaking 6 hours flight from KLIA to Sibu Airport?

It was so damn crazy!

The whole trip is like this...

KL --> Kuching --> Sibu --> Kuching --> Sibu

Crazy, man, CRAZY!!!

We were not even being informed that our flight would stop over at Kuching for 40 minutes for some stupid immigration clearance! There we were, waiting in a stupidly long queue just to get our transit ticket chopped and then, went back to the plane - yes, with all our luggage in our hands!

That was one of the stupidest thing people would do! Because of that, my flight that was supposed to land at 8 p.m. at Sibu was re-timed to 10 p.m. since the stupid immigration clearance took us some time!

After that, at 10.10 p.m. when we were already reaching Sibu Airport, the flight captain informed us that it was unable to make landing due to poor visibility and bad weather at Sibu. They tried 3 times and finally, gave up and headed back to Kuching International Airport.

CRAZY!

We reached KIA at around 10.45 p.m. and I was beginning to feel so damn bored and mad and altogether, I had mixed feelings - I hated the trip home for the first time of my life!

But thanks to Sweetie Pie that he made my day by dropping by at KIA just to let me catch a glimpse of him - even though it was from far away since I couldn't go out of the waiting hall. Yeah, both of us were waving at each other from so far away. When I told mum about it, she said we were so cute!

Yes, I know, right?

Haha... I was happy again after that. We boarded the flight back to Sibu around 11.15 p.m. and I was already praying hard that I'd get home faster. True enough, at 12.10 a.m. I finally reached Sibu Airport and wasted RM52 for taxi fare to get home since dad couldn't wait for so long!

That was really, really the freaking-est stupidest thing on Earth!

My goodness! I can't believe I survived the 6 hours flight from KL to Sibu! I would have reached Australia in 6 hours as well!

Cause you have a bad day...

Yes, I have had a bad day - everything starting from early morning until late at night was bad. So bad that you couldn't even imagine how pathetic my life is these days... In fact, I've just complained to Bernard about every single thing that took place since my shift started today.

I did freaking hell lotsa mistakes that I was bombed by TJ for more than 3 times. First, there was wrong labeling of drinks. Instead of marking "L" at the drink section, I went and marked "T" there. When TJ was preparing drinks, he was furious and asked, "Angel, what the heck is this? There's NO such drink as "T" here!"

Okay, my bad, that was my mistake.

Again, when I was preparing drinks - I got confused between Iced Caramel Macchiato and Iced Latte. For Latte, shots are supposed to be poured into cups first but for Iced Latte, milk is supposed to be first but I got mixed up because another partner told me that shots are to be first. TJ was mad again and asked, "Who was the one that tell you shots should be poured into cups instead of milk for Iced Latte?"

Darn... I was already in a bad mood and he caught me red-handed. What can I say to defend myself? To put the blame on another partner just because he taught me that? No, I wasn't even mad at TJ for bringing this up because I know I was wrong.

Later on, when it was closing time, I was supposed to clean up the bar. Since I've done my job earlier than expected, I did the bar map. TJ was curious when he saw me doing that and asked, "Angel, do you know what shift you're in? Is cleaning the bar map your job?"

I was like, "Err... no but another partner didn't do, so, I thought I would just help her since she went back already."

Then, you should see TJ's expression, "Don't go and poke your nose into other people's job, okay? If that's NOT your job, you don't need to do it for them!"

My baddest bad... Kind deeds don't applied here, you know? But never mind, I think I should be able to differentiate what is MY job and what is NOT.

Sigh... It was a long day and I'm glad it's over. Also, yes, I'm looking forward to go home tomorrow that I wish time would just sizzle now.

I missed sayang's call today - he was just trying to reach me, telling me that he was at IJN, waiting for his dad outside the operation theatre. At the same time, he was urging me to go visit him and his dad since I'd be back tomorrow and we won't see each other until next Friday. Ah... All of a sudden, I feel like I'll be missing him, not much but a bit - him and his naughty and silly jokes that would always cheer my day.

I'll be updating soon - as soon as I got home!

Early Christmas shopping...

I can't believe that I've been depriving myself from the joy of shopping since I started working. So... yesterday, I went to Forever 21 with few friends and girls, I love, love, love all the clothes at Forever 21 now!

Yeaps, the clothes there are slightly more expensive than those you can find at Sg. Wang or Times Square or anywhere because these clothes are imported from The States. Well, cool, right? I especially love the dresses there.

Lemme show you few dresses and tops I've tried but mind you, some dresses look nice but they'll make you look fatter, shorter or anything...

Code #1 - RM119.


This is another dress that I *heart* a lot... Yes, it's body-hugging alright but it feels super comfortable. Haha... I thought of getting this piece but I ended up not buying this one because it's kinda pricey for just a piece of dress.

It's a versatile dress - you can wear it to work too. If you're interested, check it out from Forever 21's website or just visit their store at 1 Utama.

Code #2 - RM89.


Another satin smooth top... I like this top because it goes well with both skirt and jeans. Best of all, I love satin! Sorry for the flash - but the concentration is NOT on my face, but on the top!

You can choose to bare your sexy shoulders with this top and yeah, it comes in free size! Imma thinking of going back to 1 Utama to get this piece... OMG...

Code #3 - RM59.


Aherm...

*clears throat*

I bought this piece because everyone said it suits me. Please say it suits me because if you don't, Imma going to poke you with my fork!

Well, I love this piece, comfortable and affordable. Where can you find such a deal, right?

Since we were all rushing, I'll go back to Forever 21 again, sometime soon - this weekend perhaps. If anyone is going there, gimme a ring, I might be tagging along!

Last but not least, these two pictures are for my daddy! He's been wanting to see me in my Starbucks' uniforms! Here, here...


Sorry for my posey-posey face because these pictures were taken early in the morning, after I've just washed my beautiful face.

I like my shorter hair in the above two pictures and the red shirt is Starbucks' Christmas shirt. Me love, love, love!

Oh, mama!

I hate it when I go down the road and notice a girl - prettier, curvier and sexier than me. For like since young, I've been dreaming to become prettier, curvier and sexier but that dream of mine will never comes true this lifetime - not ever.

I went to Mungo Jerry, a quite famous bak kut teh restaurant along Chow Kit Road the other day with my brother and Wendy. Out of the corner of my eyes, just as soon as my brother parked his car, I noticed a lady wearing oh, so sexily! It was so dark that I couldn't make out her face but goodness gracious, her body was DEAD DROP GORGEOUS!

Soon, the lady went into the light and what I saw after that was - holy shit, she's a transexual?! Goodness gracious! Indeed, a transexual that has the body any girl would die for!

No, it wasn't the first time I encountered a transexual but it was the first time a transexual came so near to me! OMG!

Consider cases like Yuna's and Harisu's... I hate them!

~ Yuna from Lady, a Korean trans-gender pop group ~

I don't fancy Yuna a lot because I think somehow, she's trying a little too hard to be girlie and innocent but look at her breasts in the picture! So nice, right?

I want a breast implant too.

Personally, I prefer Harisu more than Yuna - don't ask me why. I have whole collection of Harisu's albums. I love, love, love her voice and anything related to her because firstly... I hate her because she's hot!

~ Sexy Harisu ~

Can you see what I mean? She's burning hot! Yeah, she WAS a guy in the past, so, what? She has the body that any girl would die for and the look of HOLY-MAMA-YOU-ARE-SO-HOT! I would give whatever it takes to look like her if I could!

If you don't even know who Yuna and Harisu are, you'll be so terrified and amazed that a not-so-good-looking GUYS like them could transform into HOT chicks!

~ Yuna ~

~ Harisu ~

Yes, I hate them but NOT hate as in abhor but hate as in ENVIOUS! End of their issues and now, it's time to talk about MY issue.

I was having this talk with a close friends earlier that I want to undergo cosmetic surgery. No, not to become another transexual person! I'm comfortable being a girl and I love my auntie's visit every month! I want to enhance my look and of course liposuction and tummy tuck to make me slimmer. The reason is not solely because of guys - I want to fit into sexy clothes without having to worry about my bulging tummy!

Okay, the second reason would be because of guys - I admit, so what?

No, you're wrong - not undergoing cosmetic surgery to make guys drool over me. No, I'm not so idiotic to do that because I'm NOT dying for attention from guys. I remember, in the past somebody told me, "It's not because of your physical appearance that I'm not into you."

Bullcrap!

Girls, if there's guy who tell you something like that, trust me, he only wants you to leave him because he thinks you're too fugly for him. He'd beat around the bush, trying to tell you how wonderful you are that you're beautiful from the inside.

Now, it's bullshit!

He said he wasn't into me not because I was too fugly and it was because we didn't match. Every single thing he's said leave deep imprints and scars in me, emotionally. Yes, every single thing.

I want to prove I can be prettier than just 'shines from the inside,' which is totally RUBBISH!

So, I brought up the topic to mum the other day, telling her much I want to undergo cosmetic surgery because for all of my life, I've never felt pretty - never. You should have read the entry how much I was humiliated because of how I looked like.

Surprisingly, mum didn't say no but she said, "If you really want it, go ahead."

Oh, mama, now, that's an issue for me!

The geram-ness...

Note: 12 more hours to Sociolinguistics' paper and I'm still here, doing nothing about it - this time die kao kao already!

As the matter of fact, I'm quite geram today lor... Yes, I was geram when I woke up this morning and I am still so damn geram right now!

I admit I'm such a pig at times because I only wake up like 11 o'clock every morning but can you put the blame on me since I sleep so late at night? Yeah, I know, you guys are thinking, "Why can't she go to sleep earlier?"

My answer would be, "Hey, I'm a night person, okay? I can focus better in things I want to do especially late at night. So, quit telling me what to do."

After doing some last minute revision last night, I turned in around 3 a.m. but one hour went by, two hours went by... My eyes were not close yet! I found out I couldn't sleep at all because I was kinda worried of my paper tomorrow!

Around 5 a.m. at last, I got some sleep and at 9.30 a.m. a SMS woke me up. I ignored it but half an hour later, another SMS came in - Dammit, can't you just let the girl have a peaceful sleep? One of the SMS-es was from Biotherm, updating of my membership points while the other one was from Maybankard.

Darn... and another hour later, stupid sister sent a SMS... OMG... Nowadays, she kept on waking me up early in the morning. When I asked her about it, she said, "Oh, that's just something I love to do - waking you up early in the morning!"

The time was 10.30 a.m.

I brushed my teeth and getting ready to send my brother off to work. When I opened the main entrance's door, I found a note stuck to the side of the sliding door.

MCB, I missed Mr. Postman!!!

Good. That means I needed to go all the way to KL Sentral to pick up my package!

So, there I was at KL Sentral around 2 p.m. when a lady told me, "Miss, you punya package akan sampai pukul 8 malam because our postman belum balik lagi. Sorry, ya."

First of all, no big deal about going back there to get my package again but the shittiest thing was that... I paid RM6 for the parking fee and I ended up getting nothing?!

Darn...

I reached home around 2.30 p.m. and realized I haven't duplicated my house's keys and that if I don't get it done by tonight, my brother wouldn't be able go out of the house after I leave early tomorrow morning.

On the top of the good luck that I've been receiving today, I haven't finish revising for my stupid paper tomorrow. Geram!!!

I need to get my keys duplicated later and get my stupid package too...

So much of a good week ahead of me...

I'm so freaking pissed...

*Entry removed because I feel so much better now.*

Part 3

I was really feeling so touched when Alice left a comment in my previous entry. At the same time, she also wrote an entry on how she felt being an XS as well as being in size S now.

Thanks, kakak, for always being there regardless of how annoying I was, going on and on about my weight issue.

Life is not easy when you are being labeled as "the fattest kid on the block." Even if you try to ignore those stupid people, they'll still call you some idiotic names like "gorilla," "king kong," "si tua pui," "gemuk," "oil tong" or stuffs like that.

I've been through the times when friends, relatives or even strangers called me all those names. Yes, I was frustrated. I believe no soul would ever wanted to be called such names, especially if you're a girl.

Mana maruah diri if people are to label you with such names?

Yes, I used to be the fattest kid on the block and some people kinda hated and picked on me. Thing didn't help much when I was already fat and people think I was ugly. To add salt to injury, I felt so fugly back then and I went through everyday like living hell.


With a picture like above, how would someone not say I'm so fucking ugly? You tell me.

I used to cry at nights because my life back then during high school was really terrible. People made fun of me, people despise me, people looked down on me... JUST BECAUSE I WAS FAT.

There was once, few ex-classmates of mine made fun of me. Initially, they were supposed to be jokes but those stupid jokes ended up making me crying like mad that I didn't want to go to school after that.

# # # # # # # # # #

Situation 1

Idiot A: Do you guys know why Angel can pass her Maths this term?
Idiot B: You did her paper for her?
Idiot A: No, I didn't! I found out that fat girl copied my paper during exam!
Idiot B: Typical fat and lazy people!
Idiot A: You see she was sitting behind me during exam, so it's possible!

Okay, true enough I was sitting behind Idiot A but I wasn't sitting DIRECTLY behind him. How did I copy his Maths paper when it is almost impossible for one to copy another one's Maths' steps to getting correct answers?

Even if I got the answers correct but I didn't get the steps correct, I wasn't even able to score one mark for my Maths. Furthermore, I didn't even pass my Maths paper at that time! It was just that idiotic Idiot A spread false rumour about me. I got a 17% out of 100%.

Our Maths' teacher accidentally heard it and demanded an explanation from Idiot A.

Idiot A: She copied my paper!
Mr. K: Angel, did you copy his paper?
Me: No, I didn't and I swear I didn't.
Mr. K: Do you know I can send you to the office if you're lying?
Me: I.did.not.

I still remember the looks on Idiot A and B's faces to this very day.

Situation 2

Idiot B: You know Angel is actually not-that-fat.
Idiot A: Yes, she's obese in fact!
Idiot B: Have you guys ever thought that she might be pregnant?
Idiot A: She? Pregnant? She's so fat, cannot get pregnant.
Idiot B: I think she's pregnant.

Okay, now, our form teacher overheard it and she called me to the office during break time that day. She wanted me to tell her the truth.

Miss R: I heard people said you're pregnant.
Me: (shocked) No, how can I get pregnant?
Miss R: I've heard stories about you, hanging out with guys...
Me: No, I did not!
Miss R: Angel, I might need to send you off to the discipline teacher if you continue on lying.

I insisted I did not hang out with guys nor did I get myself pregnant at the age of 18. Then, Miss R told me to go back to my class. Little did I expect the discipline teacher, Mdm. C to call my mum. It so happened that Mdm. C and mum were best friends.

Mum: Mdm. C told me some classmates said you're pregnant. What happened?
Me: I am not pregnant and I did not have sex.
Mum: Now, girl, you'd better come clean with me.
Me: I swear mum, I swear with my life.

Mum, upon seeing me crying, finally believed it was just a rumour n those idiotics made it big because they wanted to make my life miserable. I cried for two to three nights and refused to go to school because of that but I still had to go.

Situation 3

Idiot C: Do you think Angel, The Fat Girl next door has a crush on you?
Idiot D: Yes, I think she has a crunch on Ray.
Ray: Stop your nonsense, she was just being nice.
Idiot C: Ray, OMG, you've fallen for that fat girl?
Idiot D: You're going to be Mr. Fat Guy if you like her!
Ray: Enough!

It was at the same time I passed by that class and I heard what Idiot C and D said about me and I was so fucking furious that I entered their class and I shouted at them right into their face, "If you think you have balls, bitch about me in front of me and not behind me!"

Idiot C and D shut their mouths for a while but after that, another friend of mine who was in the same class as them told me that they continued bitching about me.


I had no relation to Idiot C and D in any situations. I didn't know them well, I never talked to them n I never even looked at them during my schooling years. Then, I found out that they picked on me because I was fat, ugly and looked weak.

Situation 4

Aunt M: Just look at my daughter - she's so beautiful in the dress I've make for her.
Uncle M: Yes, my daughter is the prettiest.
Dad: (keeps quiet)
Uncle M: I don't think your daughter will be seen in such a nice dress like my daughter ever because she's so fat.
Aunt M: (laughing and mocking) Yes, your daughter will never fit into nice clothes.

I was geram. I knew dad was geram because as much as he wanted to fight back for me, he needed to respect my Aunt and Uncle M because they were elder.

# # # # # # # # # #

There was once another idiot who said something like, "She's so damn fat, so guarantee cannot get married and she's going to be alone all her life! Fat, ugly, lonely and pathetic!"

That was a girl. I got so damn irritated with that girl.

If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be a 91kg person...


If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be fat...


If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be called a fatty...



If I could choose, people, I want to be slim and slender too...

I didn't ask to be born fat or ugly. I didn't ask to be born a loser. I didn't ask to be born a pathetic soul. I didn't ask to be born weak. In fact I wasn't born fat...



I was like any normal child. I used to be underweight and refused to eat but there was a point of time, because of hormonal changes and depressions, my appetite grew and my size increased.


At that point of time, all I wanted was to have people around me to accept me for who I was and not because of my appearance. I tried my hardest to please people but they still accept me for who I was because I was F-A-T.

Fat people is lazy...
Fat people is clumsy...
Fat people is very stupid...

Those were the thoughts that people around me used to relate to me.

Do they ever realize how many liters of tears I could have collected from all those years of crying because people looked down on me?

Do they ever realize how miserable I was during my high school years just because I was fat?

Fat people deserve chances like any other people too! They are human beings as well and they have feelings. You don't like to be looked down at and fat people don't want to be looked down at as well.

Of stupid statements that get me boiling!

I'm particularly pissed with an incident that happened few days ago. I can still feel the blood inside me raging and boiling because of something that somebody said.

On the whole, I never am a petty person. I might be mad at somebody now but some moment later, I'll feel completely fine again. I know there will be somebody out there labeling me as petty, never mind, because that's not my problem.

SOMEBODY IS QUESTIONING MY ELIGIBILITY AS AN ENGLISH LANGUAGE GRADUATE.

He can find fault with my appearance, attitude or stuffs like that - I don't mind but the thing is, he indirectly put me down to the standard of somebody stupid and doesn't understand the meaning of the word IF at all.

I obtained my ENGLISH LANGUAGE degree BLACK and WHITE and I didn't cheat during examinations. I studied for all my papers although I didn't excel in every subject! If he was questioning my eligibility, get his arses back to UTAR and question the Dean or Department of Examinations and Awards on how I get my degree.

I admit, perhaps, I am not smart enough like him who managed to score equally well in every subjects. Call me dumb or stupid that I really worked my arses out to get better results every semester but at least I DIDN'T CHEAT MY WAY THROUGH.

The thing with Jeremy and I...

I was chatting to Jeremy last night via MSN and our conversations were something like this...


Yeah, Jeremy and I were reminiscing about the good old days that we, we as in Vincent, him and I, spent during our high school years... Those were the times when the two best friends would always prank on me, the only girl in the gang.

Soon, our conversation moved to Vincent. Among three of us, only Vincent is attached. I can't help it but to feel that I'll be going through single-hood this lifetime (hey, single-hood isn't so bad, okay?)

Well, it's not weird when one day, your best buddy asks you out and introduces his or her other half to you, right? In that case, I was trying to figure out what it'll be like to both Jeremy and I when Vince is to do that. Then, the conversation led onto...


Jeremy, being someone who he is, never fails to remind me that one day he might get the invitation from me for my wedding. Me, being the ever-so-sarcastic person, replied that when he's to get the invitation, it's going to be OUR, yes OUR as in Jeremy and my wedding.


He went speechless over the statement I've made. Typical Jeremy. Being more typical, he said if I could sponsor everything including his air-ticket of coming back to Malaysia from London, then, he'll marry me (or is it I will marry him in this context? Whatever).


It struck me all of a sudden because when I went through our conversation, I realized that it sounded like I am proposing to Jeremy and that was so-not-right because I don't want to be the one proposing to him. He should be proposing to me. So, I called the silly idea off.

Thus, I began to hear Jeremy's grumblings about her... That how much he fancies her and stuffs like that. Mind you, Jeremy and I are not in any relationship and we're only FRIENDS, so, don't ask so many irrelevant questions.

I know just how it feels to be in a one-sided love. Yeah, you do a lot of things for him or her just because you want him or her to notice you or even just to get him or her to talk to you more but in the end, he or she tells you, "We're best friends, right?"

*Ribut dan petir*

Forgetting the memories that two people share is not the thing easiest thing to do so, I'd advise him not to do if he doesn't feel like doing it. I told him if he can't let go of the memories with her, just let the memories be kept in a corner in his heart and to treat those memories as parts and puzzles of life in learning to grow up.

Yes, it applies to everyone. You don't have to forget if you don't want too but remember, you've to move on no matter what because this is life.

Jeremy, Jeremy... being so typical again, went into one of his many philosophies of seeing so many couples holding hands on the road side while he's alone as always... Being my usual lame self, I told him that I can lend him my hands if he feels like wanna hold somebody's hands. Hey, it's nothing, right? I just wanna cheer this friend who's down and going through so many hardships in life!

Good thing Jeremy didn't say he doesn't wanna hold my hands. Haha...

*clap, clap, tepuk tangan*

So, to put up with my lameness, Jeremy got into his usual self again, telling me that he doesn't wanna tag along with my lameness. Haha. I know I'm lame, so, you guys don't need to remind me of that.

I've always heard from people that the best is yet to come, so, I told Jeremy the same thing. The best thing is always reserved for the last. Maybe not all of you believe so, but I do believe so but that doesn't apply to me, sorry.

I know Jeremy's been going through a series of worries and troubles regarding working and living in London and I do wish he would be able to pull through. Yes, I might not be able to help much with just listening to his grumbles but if his grumbles could make his burden lighter, that's what I'll do for a best friend like him.

*tears welling in the eyes*

Jeremy, I might be far, far away from you but remember, my prayers are with you all the times for whatever things you do.

*tears rolling down the cheeks*

I couldn't believe it when he told me that nobody has ever said that to him before.

*more tears in the eyes*

Jeremy, I might be annoying, noisy, childish and silly at times but I do wish that sometimes, if you ever need my ears to listen to your problems, I could be there for you (I know you'll try to get me to fly to London again for... countless time). Pick up the phone and call me laa, abang! Haha... Or like what I've said, perhaps some day, when I'm down with a fever again, you might receive another phone call from me to you and that's all the way from KL to London!

Be strong!

P/S - The pictures are only for illustrations and not other purposes, so, if you so wanna read what our conversations were about, click those pictures.

My life is...

crazily hectic right now...

24 hours in a day is insufficient for me. If you don't believe me, try studying for 6 hours straight, non-stop for 2 days and believe me, for the third day, you won't feel like attending classes any longer.

My schedule for the time being is...

Monday, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. - Genre Analysis
Tuesday, 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. - Second Language Acquisition
Tuesday, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. - Critical Discourse Analysis
Wednesday, 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. - Sociolinguistics
Wednesday, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. - Applied Linguistics
Friday, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. - General Linguistics

I need to drop like 3 courses because I'm expected to finish 2 of the 3 core courses this semester. I don't wanna die young and specifically, die from excessive studying hours.

I'm really, really, tired honestly... for the past two days, I got home only around 11.30 p.m. and slept at 1.30 to 2 in the morning.

Will update as soon as I have the time, probably Thursday or maybe weekends.

Meanwhile, sweetie, please, please, please, if you're reading this, please don't let the happiness and joy be gone from your being. I still want to see the old you when I get back there, okie?

My decision is...

When the standard of living is rising, of course you're expecting better and efficient services for the money you've paid. Instead, things happened the other way round in OUR BELOVED COUNTRY. Yes, you heard that?

End of story.

I don't wanna bitch about the price hike of the fuel, food and yada, yada, yada. I'll leave it to other people to blog about - I'm not so interested in politics because I don't like politics and politicians.

I wanna complain again!

Yes!

I'm having my PMS and I get irritated very easily these days!

I was already mad at the superbly poor service from POS Malaysia that I didn't get my supposed-to-be-received-letter since two weeks ago! All my friends have gotten theirs two weeks ago and mine arrived two weeks letter. What kinda stupid service it that?


The letter was issued on the 20th of May 2008 and then, it was delivered on the 30th of May 2008. Fine, no problem with that...


Okay, it was delivered on the 30th of May 2008 - fine with me. I was supposed to get the stupid letter on the 4th but since it was Gawai from the 1st of June until the 3rd of June, so, I didn't blame POS Malaysia for it.

But then...

What the heck were they doing? The airplanes stopped functioning on the 1st to 3rd of June so those people were not able to fly the letter to Sarawak is it?

Fine, what about the week from the 4th to 9th of June? Oh, still busy with Gawai, is it?

This is what inefficient is!

They took too much of my precious time and the letter only arrived this morning!

~ See, I got proof that it got here today! ~

Lao niang is so fucking irritated already lor! I couldn't get the earlier air-ticket because I told Rey that I can only be sure of the application result when I get to see the offer letter with my own eyes. I even have to trouble Rey to check the result for me - see how much troubles have the inefficient services caused us?

Damn irritated now!

I got more annoyed when I realized they made some typo error in the letter! WTF?!


First, the put "CIK" in front and then, all of a sudden, they changed it to "PUAN."

CIS... If they're going to combine CIK PUAN, I wouldn't mind but fancy them, calling me a "PUAN" instead of "CIK"?

Where is the courtesy? Didn't mamma ever teach them not to address ladies as "PUAN" in letters if you're unsure of her status?

If that's the case, I might as well, find some guy and marry him, then, you can start calling me "PUAN," ain't I right?

Wah, what happened to me? I'm so easily angered these days...

So, my FINAL decision is...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

To continue my studies. Yes, in UM even though they have made some typo errors!

I wanna complain!

First of all, yes, I just so love to complain - even about little stuffs and then, I wanna make it big, big, big to make your lives miserable because I feel so darn annoyed with everything right now!

If you don't know, not long ago, I've just set up another blog that enables me to update myself and perhaps some friends about my journey in food-hunting. I named the blog, "Angelicious Food" with my name in front of it because I simply love food and that is why I'm so fat.

In an entry, I wrote about Sushi Tie, a Japanese restaurant that recently opened two branches at Sibu after the lauching of it's main branch at Pedada. If you don't know, click here and read it.

Enough say about the nonsense.

Now, I wanna complain about their services and staff! Yes, I wanna complain, complain and complain!!! I hope the owner of Sushi Tie reads this entry!

The courtesy of the staff at Sushi tie SUCKS big time!

S-U-C-K-S!!!

My sister and I went there for the second time because she was craving for Sushi the other day. So, why am I so furious? These are why...

1. So, we took our seats and then, there came the staff - she asked for our order. Fine. No problem with that... As we were looking through the menu, I noticed that the stupid waitress looked kinda impatient. How can you expect us to finish the menu in an instant? So, I told her, "We'll order from you if we want later. We'd like to get the sushi-s from the conveyor belt." STUPID STAFF didn't understand me and answered, "HAH?!?!" with a very rude and loud tone before walking off just like that! WTF is happening to the courtesy of this stupid girl? Lao niang super beh-song with an attitude like that lor!
2. My sister and I were busy choosing the sushi-s of our choices from the conveyor belt and that stupid girl kept on looking at us and making notes on her note pad. I knew she was writing what we took from the conveyor belt. TMD. I felt like an alien because I could actually see some writings on her stupid, fugly face that read, "Don't even know if you can afford to pay or not later." I cannot pay, you idiot girl? I can even throw my money right into your fugly face! You better open your eyes wider and see who you're messing with! Lao niang super hate that kinda stupid girl who pretended like she's super smart like that lor!
3. After that, the stupid girl went gossiping with her colleagues - about us! I know! She was pointing at my sister and I on-and-off and kept on eyeing on us! Shit-laa! Face me if you wish to gossip about me! If you don't dare, go to hell because you are so cowardly! Lao niang super hate it when people gossip about me behind me lor!
4. I was already furious at their service at that time, so, I nudged my sister, signalling to her that I wanted to leave. She was okay, thus, asked for the bill. Stupid GIRLS and not girl could only stand there and looked so idiotic when we were waving to them all the while. In the end, we stood up and went to the counter, paid and leave! Lao niang super-duper hate this kinda people!

With these kinda services, I tell you, sure Sushi Tie won't have a lot of customers or should I say with stupid girls like that to be the waitresses there, you die-laa, Sushi Tie! If you wish for more people to go there, fire those stupid girls and re-hire someone new and make sure you interview them and test their courtesies!

Learn from Sushi King!

I hate Sushi Tie!

The reason why I go pokai...

Note: The day came but honestly, I wasn't quite happy with it because it wasn't like what I've expected it to be.

Normally, I could spend an additional RM100 each month for treats but ever since the d'evil came, I couldn't treat myself any longer. You see... the d'evil is always thirsty.

Just for last month alone, I spent around RM400 on the d'evil.

If you're wondering who or what the d'evil is... here, meet the d'evil...


She's a pretty, right? Yeah, you're right, she's a Persona. Me brother got the CD player modified, windows tinted and bla, bla, bla... So, these are the results. He told me that they cost around RM1000 for everything.


A beauty, right?

One thing with d'evil is that she consumes petrol like how us, human beings, consume water. You guys know, just last week, I was stuck in the traffic from PJ to Sentul and d'evil consumed RM30 worth of petrol - kill me.

I won't say PJ and Sentul are far from each other because you can actually get to Sentul from PJ in just 15 minutes if there are no traffic jams but if there are traffic jams, you actually need 2 hours or more to get there. Imagine how furious I got when I saw the petrol's meter decreased by time.

I got so pokai because of that.

Although I thought of not using d'evil, but still, forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

Ever since I got d'evil, I became lazier. I used to use public transports to get to places I wanted to go but after that, I found it a hassle to actually use public transports. So, I always resorted to d'evil at the end of the day.

Now, you see why I went pokai. That's one of the reasons why I came back to Sibu earlier (",)

Oh, right, if you wanna ask me about the car's performance, maybe you should think of skipping the question because my answer would be, "All new cars provide good performance."

Heavy-heartedness

Note - I am still patiently waiting for the day to come.

Yes, that is what I'm feeling right now... heavy-hearted with a little aura of sadness surrounding me. I don't quite like the feeling. You know why? There's a feeling deep down inside that keeps on telling me that I might not be coming back here again. So, so heavy-hearted...

In another 12 hours, I'll be sitting in my own room in Sibu, blogging.

The feeling is pathetic - I know I'll be back here again in August but something just doesn't feel so right. Maybe it is something the matter with me or maybe it's not. Perhaps, I'm too free that I begin to hallucinating a lot of things.

Yes, pathetic.

Argh.

I am still feeling it.

The final week here...

...is so packed that I don't even have the time to do the things I like... and the sad thing is... I can't get sufficient sleep due to the stress that is building inside me.

The cause...

1. Submission of thesis.
2. Submission of assignment.
3. Presentation.

The best part is...

ALL OF THEM ARE GOING TO HAPPEN ON THURSDAY.

The surprise is...

THURSDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

Kill me.

Darn... Seems like I can't have the most memorable birthday for the last time here, at PJ.