Monday, April 19, 2010

Thousand miles to go before I sleep...

For once again, another year in my life has gone by - wasted.

*nods, nods*

Yes, wasted, people - I wasted another year of youth in my life, doing nothing and achieving nothing. Bah, I am still studying, not graduated yet and at the same time, pathetically working my arse off and sacrificing my nights of beauty sleeps just to stay up to do my work and also assignments.

How pathetic can your life get if you don't have time for yourself?

Just few days ago, my dad funnily asked me, "Eh, when do you wanna get attached? Your mum is trying to match-make your cousin with one of her friend's daughter who's a pharmacist. The girl is one year younger than you."

I went, "What?! LOLX, mum should match-make me instead."

Okay, I was joking with dad but honestly, all of a sudden, I feel like my life is pathetic. I have everything from top to toe, exception for two things that I really crave in my whole quarter of century life - a slender body and also a loving as well as respectful boyfriend.

All my life, I've been dying to get these two things.

The question is - when will my dreams come true?

Mum always put everything into a simpler form for me, "It's all because you're fat, so, you can't find a boyfriend. Look at your cousins who are slim and slender, they all have boyfriends now and look at yourself..."

Then, she'd always go speechless.

I admit, there is a part of me that agrees with what mum has said... FAT MEANING NO BOYFRIEND.

Every time when I get wedding invitation from my friends, it always break my heart. I have met guys before, for example...
  • Guys that made me fell head over heels in love with them and then, told me, "No, Angel, you're not the one for me." One word - bastard.
  • Guys who were never honest, "I can't tell you if we'll be together or not now because I can't predict the future. What if I say no to you right now and in few years to come, we really get together? Wouldn't it be unfair for you?" He pretended to be a gentleman. One word - idiot.
  • Guys who crave sex as well as money, often telling me, "It's nothing even if we have sex now because you'll marry me sooner or later. If you do marry me, can you get one of your dad's cars for me so that I don't need to waste my money to buy another?" One word - moronic.
Sad but true.

I guess Mr. Right is so hard to come by.

Just like any other girl, I wish I'd find my Mr. Right soon since age is catching up. Every time when I look at those friends who are attached, I'll start wondering, "Is it something wrong with me except being fat?"

Gorgeous wedding portraits from my friends often stir my feelings. Secretly, I wish I could be in their shoes, just to experience what does it feel like to be wearing the white gown, walking down the aisle with their other halves.

Perhaps, instead of sitting here and wait for my Mr. Right to fall from the sky, I might just have to be like Sandra Bullock.

Then, I would be the one getting down on my knee, saying, "Will you marry me?"

I bet the guy whom I am proposing to will run with tail tucked behind his back if I were to do so. Hence, yeah, I'm saying something stupid.


Now, you can strangle me!

Somehow or rather, a friend told me, "Why do you need to worry about what your mum has told you? It's NOT true. There's NO such thing as if you're fat, you can't find your other half because nobody like a fat girl."

Perhaps, when you're not in the situation yourself, you will never understand the emotional torture one has to go through because of all the untrue stories.

Do you know the feeling of looking into the mirror every single morning, dreading over the reflection in the mirror because you're just too fat?

In my case, I'm the girl in the mirror, perhaps worse than her - like 10kg or 20kg heavier, or maybe 30kg - at least that is what I think. I don't even have the guts to upload my REAL picture, hence, I photoshop kao kao all my lemak so they disappeared but I still am fat, okay?

As much as every girl desires to be famous and loved because of their beauty, I am no exception but I don't wanna be FAT and FAMOUS. Maybe, let's just ditch the point about being famous. I'm good at where I am now.

Now, if you don't know me, please don't stupidly come to me and say, "You're fat because you eat a lot and you never try hard enough to lose weight."

This statement will probably be thrown back at you because, hell - I did try and I lost quite a lot of weight but I am still fat and growing. I fought my weight issue throughout my years in university and if you don't know me well, I'd appreciate if there is no question.

Sometimes, the feeling is just intolerable especially when you wake up in the morning, all that in your mind is, "I wish I were Lee Da Hee."

I know there's no use grumbling and tormenting myself over what I don't have because I'm quite certain there are souls out there, telling me to count my blessings instead of agonizing over what I don't have.

Don't worry, I'm good. It's just that time of the month and I need to grumble.

Who knows, maybe in years to come... my final two wishes will come true...

And I can live happily ever after...

Wish me luck!

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