Thanks, kakak, for always being there regardless of how annoying I was, going on and on about my weight issue.
Life is not easy when you are being labeled as "the fattest kid on the block." Even if you try to ignore those stupid people, they'll still call you some idiotic names like "gorilla," "king kong," "si tua pui," "gemuk," "oil tong" or stuffs like that.
I've been through the times when friends, relatives or even strangers called me all those names. Yes, I was frustrated. I believe no soul would ever wanted to be called such names, especially if you're a girl.
Mana maruah diri if people are to label you with such names?
Yes, I used to be the fattest kid on the block and some people kinda hated and picked on me. Thing didn't help much when I was already fat and people think I was ugly. To add salt to injury, I felt so fugly back then and I went through everyday like living hell.
With a picture like above, how would someone not say I'm so fucking ugly? You tell me.
I used to cry at nights because my life back then during high school was really terrible. People made fun of me, people despise me, people looked down on me... JUST BECAUSE I WAS FAT.
There was once, few ex-classmates of mine made fun of me. Initially, they were supposed to be jokes but those stupid jokes ended up making me crying like mad that I didn't want to go to school after that.
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Idiot A: Do you guys know why Angel can pass her Maths this term?
Idiot B: You did her paper for her?
Idiot A: No, I didn't! I found out that fat girl copied my paper during exam!
Idiot B: Typical fat and lazy people!
Idiot A: You see she was sitting behind me during exam, so it's possible!
Okay, true enough I was sitting behind Idiot A but I wasn't sitting DIRECTLY behind him. How did I copy his Maths paper when it is almost impossible for one to copy another one's Maths' steps to getting correct answers?
Even if I got the answers correct but I didn't get the steps correct, I wasn't even able to score one mark for my Maths. Furthermore, I didn't even pass my Maths paper at that time! It was just that idiotic Idiot A spread false rumour about me. I got a 17% out of 100%.
Our Maths' teacher accidentally heard it and demanded an explanation from Idiot A.
Idiot A: She copied my paper!I still remember the looks on Idiot A and B's faces to this very day.
Mr. K: Angel, did you copy his paper?
Me: No, I didn't and I swear I didn't.
Mr. K: Do you know I can send you to the office if you're lying?
Idiot B: You know Angel is actually not-that-fat.Okay, now, our form teacher overheard it and she called me to the office during break time that day. She wanted me to tell her the truth.
Idiot A: Yes, she's obese in fact!
Idiot B: Have you guys ever thought that she might be pregnant?
Idiot A: She? Pregnant? She's so fat, cannot get pregnant.
Idiot B: I think she's pregnant.
Miss R: I heard people said you're pregnant.I insisted I did not hang out with guys nor did I get myself pregnant at the age of 18. Then, Miss R told me to go back to my class. Little did I expect the discipline teacher, Mdm. C to call my mum. It so happened that Mdm. C and mum were best friends.
Me: (shocked) No, how can I get pregnant?
Miss R: I've heard stories about you, hanging out with guys...
Me: No, I did not!
Miss R: Angel, I might need to send you off to the discipline teacher if you continue on lying.
Mum: Mdm. C told me some classmates said you're pregnant. What happened?Mum, upon seeing me crying, finally believed it was just a rumour n those idiotics made it big because they wanted to make my life miserable. I cried for two to three nights and refused to go to school because of that but I still had to go.
Me: I am not pregnant and I did not have sex.
Mum: Now, girl, you'd better come clean with me.
Me: I swear mum, I swear with my life.
Idiot C: Do you think Angel, The Fat Girl next door has a crush on you?It was at the same time I passed by that class and I heard what Idiot C and D said about me and I was so fucking furious that I entered their class and I shouted at them right into their face, "If you think you have balls, bitch about me in front of me and not behind me!"
Idiot D: Yes, I think she has a crunch on Ray.
Ray: Stop your nonsense, she was just being nice.
Idiot C: Ray, OMG, you've fallen for that fat girl?
Idiot D: You're going to be Mr. Fat Guy if you like her!
Idiot C and D shut their mouths for a while but after that, another friend of mine who was in the same class as them told me that they continued bitching about me.
I had no relation to Idiot C and D in any situations. I didn't know them well, I never talked to them n I never even looked at them during my schooling years. Then, I found out that they picked on me because I was fat, ugly and looked weak.
Aunt M: Just look at my daughter - she's so beautiful in the dress I've make for her.I was geram. I knew dad was geram because as much as he wanted to fight back for me, he needed to respect my Aunt and Uncle M because they were elder.
Uncle M: Yes, my daughter is the prettiest.
Dad: (keeps quiet)
Uncle M: I don't think your daughter will be seen in such a nice dress like my daughter ever because she's so fat.
Aunt M: (laughing and mocking) Yes, your daughter will never fit into nice clothes.
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There was once another idiot who said something like, "She's so damn fat, so guarantee cannot get married and she's going to be alone all her life! Fat, ugly, lonely and pathetic!"
That was a girl. I got so damn irritated with that girl.
If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be a 91kg person...
If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be fat...
If I could choose, people, I didn't want to be called a fatty...
If I could choose, people, I want to be slim and slender too...
I didn't ask to be born fat or ugly. I didn't ask to be born a loser. I didn't ask to be born a pathetic soul. I didn't ask to be born weak. In fact I wasn't born fat...
I was like any normal child. I used to be underweight and refused to eat but there was a point of time, because of hormonal changes and depressions, my appetite grew and my size increased.
At that point of time, all I wanted was to have people around me to accept me for who I was and not because of my appearance. I tried my hardest to please people but they still accept me for who I was because I was F-A-T.
Fat people is lazy...
Fat people is clumsy...
Fat people is very stupid...
Those were the thoughts that people around me used to relate to me.
Do they ever realize how many liters of tears I could have collected from all those years of crying because people looked down on me?
Do they ever realize how miserable I was during my high school years just because I was fat?
Fat people deserve chances like any other people too! They are human beings as well and they have feelings. You don't like to be looked down at and fat people don't want to be looked down at as well.