The reason for story-telling is actually very simple - again, I am feeling emotional these few days and I don't know why. Hopefully by blogging about it, I'll feel much better because at least I have additional known or unknown people to share my emotions with.
It hasn't been exactly easy to pretend that you don't know the truth when whatever that has been said cannot be undone. BFF called the other day and asked, "Does he ever wonder if he tells you all these now, it's not gonna make you feel any better?"
I know keeping the truth for years really hurts, especially if the other person ignores you and pretends like you're invisible. Yeah, it pretty much hurts and I kid you not. After I got to know about what happened between Sam and I few years back, I keep on feeling emotional about it. Perhaps I should be blaming him for blurting out the truth just like that but somehow, I am glad I know it. At least, I know once upon a time, there was someone who used to be there for me but it was due to my ignorance that I missed him.
Sighs... the tale that never was...
It honestly has been bothering me quite a lot because I kept on asking myself, "If only he would be true 3 years ago, would you guys be together now?"
I don't know - it could be a yes, we would still be together OR it could be a no, we were not meant to be. I truly don't know.
All the times, I've always thought God was being unfair to me but the fact is, He has been fair but it was due to my ignorance that I missed this guy and yeah, who could I blame it upon except for myself, just like what mum has told me?
"When you were 16, you told us you're into Vince," mum laughed.
"When you were 17 to 22, you told us you're into Raph," dad added, "We've told you to put an end to the obsession but you never listened to us."
"When you were 23 or so, you told us, you would never get into any serious relationships because there will never be good guys out there," mum made it clear that I did say that to her.
"Then, you met Mr. Accountant and a psychotic doctor," dad laughed about it, "I've told you from my experience, guys that don't spend time with you, aren't exactly into you and if he does not fulfill his promises to you - useless guy."
My final answer was, "They all killed my faith towards love and I hate love - thus, I blame God for putting me through all these!"
BFF told me, "Don't blame God, He has always been fair."
Now, I trust her - or at least He had been fair to me. It was only I did not realize it earlier.
I guess I really was feeling super emotional these days because Sam and I have been contacting each other quite frequent. As usual, I tend to be quite playful whenever I communicate to him. So, I dropped him a message and told him to call back. I guess with the kinda person I am, normally no guys would ever call back because according to all the close guy friends, "You're damn garang, all of us are scared of you!"
Yeah, right, I am garang but that doesn't mean I'll swallow you alive if you call me, right?
Stupid sister asked, "Do you think he'll call back?"
My answer was, "I don't know - maybe yes, maybe no. If I am still an important friend or if I still mean anything to him, he will."
"Ah, cheh... all my guy friends will call me back if I tell them to do so!" stupid sister replied.
I know, right? My sister tends to be a tease because she mastered the art of flirting since early school days and guess what? I failed terribly in the art of flirting.
Whatever it was, Sam did call back and I was whining about how much I've missed home and stuffs like that until our line was being cut off due to the lousy reception. Then, he could no longer call back. Sheeeesh...
We are still good - as friends, of course. I bear NO ill intentions because well... he has forever known me as playful and mischievous, so... he'll never take my words for real unless I pester him for something. Since there was no reception or anything, we SMS-ed instead. Our conversation pretty much went like this...
~ Sorry, I blurred out Sam's real name to protect him ~
You know what?
Instead of feeling emotional after reading his SMS-es, I kinda felt it was funny though. Hahahaha... It certainly did cheer me up. After that, stupid sister told me, "Eeee... so not sincere one, cannot marry him la..."
Come to think of it, at least I was laughing about it now instead of still feeling emotional. I mean, it was meant to be a joke and Sam, like always, tags along with me.
I was out with Sarah the other day and she told me, "Fight for him!"
I smirked at her and told her to forget about it because there are other stuffs in my life that mean much more than fighting a losing battle. At least, I can keep our friendship and I appreciate our friendship more than anything because as I know, he doesn't really open up to a lot of people due to his down-to-earth-ness. LOLX!
If we were to be in some sorta relationship back then, it doesn't mean it'd last and if it doesn't last, I bet we wouldn't be so close now - so, I choose friendship over relationship.
Okay, that's the end of my false proposal. Hahaha... false alarm too. Have a wonderful Tuesday, everyone - I shall retire to my slumber and sleep the whole Tuesday away!