Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Letter to 16 Year-Old Me

*very much inspired to do this entry after reading Jolene's and also Aud's entries.

Dear 16 year-old me,

I guess it has never downed you that you'd be right where you are now, 10 years later.

PMR has just passed and you are having the finest honeymoon year without having to worry about SPM or even what future holds for you. Life is just too great, ain't it? Ah, PMR's result will be great for you, so, you don't need to worry about it. Daddy dearest even will get you a new mobile as a present for your good result, a Nokia 3310.

Comparing to what they have now, iPhone, HTC, Samsung and others, I'm sure you are already satisfied with a Nokia 3310. But guess what? Daddy dearest is gonna buy you a Nokia N82 somewhere 7 years later after you've graduated from UTAR.

Oh, did I mention UTAR? Yes, I did, you'd be going to UTAR and meet a bunch of GREAT friends!!!

You are a happily overweight teenage girl that has great friends and company, thus, the thought of losing weight has never come across your mind.

Little did you know that in 2 years to come, in 2003 and 2004, from overweight, you become obese and that was the starting point of your miserable life where people around you including your relatives make fun of you, being fat and also friends jeered at you for your weight problem.

Spending 2 terrible years keeping everything certainly does not help much but as another year gone by, you will meet a guy who sweeps you off your feet and you'll be carrying a torch for him for the next 5 years, Raph. Alas, he doesn't feel the same way as you do and soon, problems will come pouring in. Your friendship ends in later years because he will leave you stranded at KTM station close to midnight, misunderstands you and chooses not to trust you over lies. You will spend the next 2 months, crying yourself to sleep every night, wondering what you've done in the past that you deserve the way he treats you.

In between those 5 years, you will bump into the world's most notorious player, Brandon and guess what, you guys will somehow be attached but not officially since Brandon is in a relationship with a girl, who happens to be your friend. Well, Brandon will be the guy who shares your first kiss and hug with you.

Unexpected, but true. Okay, I've to admit, I was such a bitch but just read on...

After a thorough consideration and all, finally, you'll get over Brandon with the thought Raph is your everything. Then again, well... sad to tell you, you're wrong. He will never be anyone special this lifetime, yes, no.

You are really strong because you finally decides to ditch the thought of finding Mr. Right and spend a good 2 years trying to lose weight after that because you trust physical appearance is everything in this year. Hence, weighing at a shocking 91kg certainly doesn't get you anywhere. With so much hard work and moo-lah, finally, you shed 20kg in 2 years.

I know, I know, you'll NEVER even imagine how it feels to be so much lighter and looks so much better than your fat past!

Finally, after so much ups and downs in life, a semester before graduating, you will meet the world's WORST jerk and son-of-a-bitch. You will come to abhor him and wish that he'd be run over by a train and never reincarnate because that bastard actually has the nerve to ask you for moo-lah and also sex, quite forgetting you are brought up in a very strict Catholic and conservative family. Don't worry just yet, kiddo, you'll ditch this moron in 1.5 months because you just cannot stand his constant request for material and sexual needs. Oh, not forgetting, you are not so stupid to have given in to his beastly desires, so, you're not losing anything.

Hence, you will give up on finding love until a year later, when you finally will join UM, yes, UM, your dream university, to do your Masters.

OMG... I can't believe I've said it - kiddo, you'll be doing Masters in UM!!!

Life will be hectic but you are really, really and unbelievably strong to the point that friends address you as 'the iron lady.' You'll be doing 4 part time jobs while studying full-time in UM, hence, you are the iron lady of the millennium! After earning enough to travel, you went to Bangkok for your first ever overseas trip with Sherene and her sister!

You certainly do have the best travel time of your life with the world's best roomie, Sherene! You will be doing your first ever hair extension and also manicure in Bangkok with the sisters!

Life is meant to be enjoyed, you know? Hahahaha... Yes, you certainly did have the finest Masters years ever!

You will even join Starbucks, your favourite coffee company and work as a barista there. Those moments will forever be in memory because you will be pursued by an uncle who happens to be one of the VIPs working in Ambank. Then, there is another lawyer who resides in Australia will be approaching you. Nevertheless, you are not interested in them.

Other than that, remember that I've told you that you will take up 4 different jobs to support yourself? One of them is lecturing in a college, in which, when you first start out, you find yourself hating the job so much but after a year or so, you fall in love with the job and hoping you would be able to lecture in colleges or universities but somehow or rather, the administrative staff in that college sucks that in the end, you will resign after 1.5 years.

Hence, since you will be occupied with so many things in life, you somehow managed to lose another 10kg with so much stresses lying right ahead of you. It's not a bad thing considering you've been thinking to lose weight since you are a teenager.

The thought of bumping into Mr. Right never will cross your mind after 2007 until you meet this guy on 12th March 2011, in which, somehow, I'm not sure what is happening, you kinda fall in love with Euvern. Yes, falling in love after 4 years of being a single. Throughout the time you've come to know this guy, you'll realize he's kinda different from the other jerks. Unfortunately, your prediction will be wrong because he breaks your heart too.

Stupid sister will try to warn you not to fall in love too soon but alas, you and your hot and hard headedness never listens to her as usual, thus, sad but true, Euvern breaks your heart in the end. As much as you will then, hope that you guys did not start out even as a friend, still, your 26 year-old me can't do anything to stop fate and destiny.

That is part and puzzle of life, I guess. Luckily you are still as strong as you are before. You are able to pull through and realize life is better even without his presence because he has made you realize there's no perfect love in this world. From then on, you'll believe life is all about yourself and not about relationship for you. So, after that point of time, you'll stop trusting your once ago, known as fairy-tale love.

It isn't so bad, kiddo. Life is still great without any of the guys because you don't really need them. As much as I do know you are scared of growing old alone but if life is all about bumping into Mr. Wrongs that keep on breaking your fragile heart, then, growing old and dying alone aren't such a big deal after all.

Hence, the 26 year-old you right now, is working really hard to try to finish her thesis so that she can graduate by December 2011, thus leaving this land of heartbreaks and stresses forever. No, you won't have the intention to come back here again if you have the chance to leave. So, you are now, even taking up a job so that you will not spend time thinking of those jerks who has broke your heart besides earning a little extra moo-lah to support yourself.

Dearest 16 year-old me, if the 26 year-old me has the chance to turn back the time, I would want the time to stop right on 11th March 2011 because 12th March 2011 will be the time where your life takes a big turn and your perceptions towards a lot of stuffs will change.

You will then, start to wonder what did you do wrong to deserve all these guys coming into your life. You will blame God for letting these insignificant guys into your life and that why would He wants to break your heart over and over because all these guys treat you the same way - perhaps you are just insignificant in their lives too since there are girls who are far prettier, sexier, curvier, smarter and also more understanding than you are.

Don't blame yourself, kiddo. I know you never ask to be born this way but yes, the only trait in you that makes other awe is that you REALLY are a very strong person!

Kiddo, do work harder! We will meet again 10 years later when you're 26 while I am 36 then.

Good luck!

Much Love,

The 26 year-old me.

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