I used to be someone who dwelled over everything that happened in the past, thus, I led a very miserable life because it was really tough for me to get over a lot of things. Through time, I learned to be able to move on because regardless of how you feel, life goes on. I certainly am not someone who would give up my life just because of a failure, so, don't worry about me as of now. LOLX!
We had a mini gathering at The Curve yesterday and finally, after 3.5 years of not seeing him and 5 years being out of that stormy relationship, I met my first love again.
The feeling was unexplainable - it's something beyond words because up to this point of time, I still can't figure out what is the exact word to describe my feelings but certainly, it's not love
The aura around him felt so different after not seeing him for 3.5 years but the childishness in him is still there - the craziness, the hamsap-ness and also the silly as well as cold jokes.
I wasn't paying too much attention on him because according to "The Guide of Winning Your Ex-Boyfriend Back," rule #1 - thou shall act like he is not there - maintain the least any contact with him.
Hahahahaha... Don't get me wrong
In fact, before I met him, I braced up, telling myself, "He's nothing, you guys weren't serious back then. So, now, just be brave and say hello to him if you see him! You can do it!"
So, there I was, sitting face to face with him. I was trying hard not to even have the slightest eye contact with him to avoid any unwanted misunderstandings.
Okay, that picture was a joke, he wasn't even looking at me honestly but he did make a remark, "You've lost so much weight."
Erm... on the second though, okay, he did look at me.
Rule #2 - get goin' you mysterious babe - let him keep on guessing!
Hahahahaha... I'm so obsessed with the article!
When he was sitting right in front of me, all of a sudden, flashbacks of the past came to me. It was like the wind - you can't see it but you can feel it. It felt as if it was yesterday when we were together...
For a person as simple-minded as I was...
He was just like a wish came true - he was there to be with me, cared for me and also to make my day. My life had never felt so real but with him around, it was like a dream. A dream that I wished I would never wake up from.
Erm... if I don't go to heaven, does that mean I can stay here with him?
I was just being stupid.
Honestly, those times with him, I felt loved and cherished even though the complicated relationship lasted just for 5 months or so but at the same time, loving him was hard. It was the hardest thing I had ever come across.
In the end, things ended for us... yeah, like I've mentioned, it was mutual because we drifted away after considering so many unhappy events happening in our lives.
Let's just say, if God is to give me another chance, I really want this episode to pause at the moment where he held my hands and told me, "I can't imagine a life without you."
I thought I've made the smartest decision in letting him go but when I saw him again, I have to admit, it was the wrong-est and stupidest decision that I've ever made... If only I was a little more persistent and determined, perhaps, the person who he is holding now would be me.
As much as I wish I could get him back, I know I should just move on. Just like Chris has put it, "If he's moving on, why aren't you doing the same thing?"
Life is unfair but it still goes on whether you like it or not.