Monday, May 20, 2013

Better best forgotten

One of the things that makes me think twice about settling down at my home-town is the phobia of my past. Memories haunt and I can positively guarantee that does happen to those of you whom your being is closely tied to your memories.

My childhood isn't at all that glamourous and I didn't even get to be around those popular kids. I used to be the weak kid where I was bullied and mentally tormented for being really fat. Schoolmates made fun of me because of my size and there were also few who took it to a whole new level - they spread rumours I was impregnated by a certain guy and was going to deliver soon. For all the rude and untrue remarks, I was called to the office several times and my parents were informed about it.

Yes, those were all rumours and yet, I was punished by my parents for telling lies. Back then, I hated myself because I couldn't even stand up for myself. All I could do was to cry myself to sleep. The memories haunt me for years even after leaving high school because I did not like the look at it as it always reminds me of how I got through those years.

However, there is this one special person who made life a little less miserable and difficult for me.

He was there to listen to me.

He was there to walk through my ups and downs.

He was there to give me supports.

He was there to make me smile.

In fact, he had been there all those times but unfortunately, I realized it 9 years too late!

I have spent every single day of my life wondering  about a lot of things.

What if I knew about how he felt towards me a little earlier.

What if I fell for him first.

What if both of us would listen to our hearts and held on.

What if we were not separated by distance.

There are just too many what-ifs and these what-ifs are the situations that will never again happen in our lives.

It breaks my heart whenever I think how ignorant I was in the past.

I guess this is the way how one is supposed to grown up - give and take, come and go, forgive and forget.

Although it is not something to mourn about or proud of, at least I know, this is where life has taken me. I learnt that nothing comes easily and if you really want to be with someone or if you want something, you have to put in effort to get it. Without effort, you're going nowhere.

Sad but true.

Now, I've gotta figure a way to escape this mental torture.

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