Friday, April 26, 2013

Stress button ON

Hi, people!

I hope the week has been treating you well. Guess what? It's Friday again and for some of you who are going to enjoy your weekend, happy weekend! For some of us who are working throughout the weekend, for someone like me - happy working!

Workload has somehow poured in and I'm already feeling it. My apologies if I haven't been able to update my as frequent as I used to be.

Let's talk about work, shall we?

Initially, I was asked to teach Academic English 1 - I wasn't very happy about it but I know the university is unable to be fair to everyone. I have had hard times trying to prepare the lecture notes for that subject and suddenly, I felt like Zeus just stroked me with his lightning bolt.


I was told there were going to be two add-ons to the subjects I am going to teach - Academic English 2 and Professional Writing. I have never studied these subjects before nor have I came close to them before. All of a sudden, I felt tensed because I am worried I wouldn't be able to do well as I only have a little knowledge of those subjects.

A lot of people that I've met throughout the years assume that I am exceptionally good with my English Language proficiency just because I am a linguistic graduate. No matter how hard I tried to convince that English Language is NOT equal to Linguistics, it has always been to no avail.

If you are not sure, English Language is basically the study of the structure and grammar of the language itself while Linguistics is the study about the science of languages.

Yes, I deal with science of languages instead of English Language.

Another irritating question that I get after telling people that I am a linguistic graduate dealing with science of languages is, "Do you know all languages - Korean, Japanese, Arab, bla, bla, bla?"

No, linguistics do not mean having to know all other languages besides English because in linguistic, we deal with things behind the use of each language - motivational factor, socio-factors, psychological factors, code-switching, language and gender, human communication disorders, speech and hearing and things like that.

English is only the medium of instruction - it's the same for majority of the universities in the world.

So, imagine having to conduct a class of 200 students with the focus in Academic English and Professional Writing - I could almost imagine the students bombarding me with a lot of questions that I don't even know how to answer. Most of the other colleagues told me it wouldn't be as bad as that because most of the students are passive and active ones, they are usually the smart asses and they wouldn't ask any stupid questions.


Whatever that is, the stress is still there... I need to prepare lecture notes for 3 subjects from Week 1 to Week 14, which is not a good news because I am struggling as well.

I shan't complain about the struggles because honestly, while struggling to prepare the notes, I am learning new things too and I am blessed to have supportive colleagues.

Now, let's point out the second thing that really stressed me out - education level.

I believe there is no equality in this world - if you want something, you have to work hard to get it. Let's take it as in if you like someone, you have to find ways to win his or her heart. The same theory applies to education. If you want a diploma, degree or master's degree, you have to work for it.

I am not stating I am complaining out of jealousy or whatsoever but I am merely stating my personal view on education. I am quite stressed out because the people that I work with are either professionals in their fields or they possess higher education level than me. This brings me to a whole different level...

Should I do my PhD?

I don't want to feel left behind. Everyone in the education field are either in the mid of upgrading themselves or going to upgrade themselves.

Before I graduated, I was telling myself, "No, I swear, I'm not going to study any longer!"

After I graduated and was thrown into working work, there's a voice inside of me that keeps on telling me to just go back and study. PhD is like one of my lifelong dreams aside from owning a bridal gallery. I really wanted to be an expert in a field but somehow, I know some people do not agree with my view.

I told myself too, if I were going to pursue my PhD, I don't want to go back to UM because the 4 years that I've spent in UM doing my master's were pure living hell due to some stupid racist and political issues. I am so through public universities. I would still say that my decision of not going to UUM and went to UTAR instead 8 years ago was one of the smartest decision that I have made in my whole life! I never regretted going to UTAR and meeting some wonderful people there! So, this time around, if I were to do my PhD, I want to either go back to UTAR for it or land myself in any university overseas.

Geez... even writing this entry really contributes to rise of my stress level!

Whatever that is, I shall sleep early and yes, happy weekend people!

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