Tuesday, April 10, 2012

A year older, a year wiser

I guess that is not happening to me.

I woke up this morning, with only my BFF's SMS on my phone, wishing me a happy birthday.

I told her this year would be the loneliest and saddest birthday ever in my whole life because instead of being a year wiser, I feel unloved, not remembered and pathetic on this very day.

Not that I want to feel so but when you're alone with most of your friends busy with their works, families and children, you will start to wonder, "Am I so not worth remembering?"

Sad, right?

Nobody in my family even remembers my birthday, not even my parents or stupid sister who stays with me. Nobody actually wishes me happy birthday or anything.

All of a sudden, I am feeling like if God takes me back to His side, nobody would weep for me.

It sucks to feel so honestly, especially on your birthday.

For as long as I could remember, there has never been any good stuffs happening to me on my birthdays, especially after I left university. Let me do a recap and you can be the judge.

2008 - everyone was busy studying for finals.

2009 - dumped on my birthday.

2010 - busy for finals again and it was crappy!

2011 - met Mr. Wrong and my biggest mistake for trusting him.

2012 - everyone is too busy for me today...

I know there are bound to be people telling me to be positive, hey, am I not positive enough? Despite all happenings, I am still breathing and surviving. I don't dwell over it but then, I am just feeling it on this day, that's all.

In fact, there is something that I really want today but nobody can give it to me EXCEPT for God. I am praying hard everyday for it actually... God, I hope you can hear my prayers because I don't want anything else on my birthday except for a good job in Singapore. My promise to God is that, if I ever get a job there, I will give it a 101% of hardwork and be thankful as well as grateful to those who have helped me.

Let's end this misery of being unhappy and alone on my birthday.

I was talking to a friend of mine last month and she was asking me what is my western as well as Chinese horoscopes.

Honestly, I don't want to scare you all but my combination is kinda headstrong, arrogant and stuffs like that. LOLX! At least that is what I know and perhaps, half of my friend's guess was correct.

I am born under the year of ox with the star sign Aries. Even to this very day, I am still trying to refuse to believe I am an Aries born in the year of ox!

Reason is simple. Those who have the exact signs as me are labelled as stubborn beyond reason and also impulsive. Erm... that is rather true... I am stubborn and there are times when I just refuse to admit defeat and also mistakes. I guess that could be the reason why friends or enemies hate me.

If I were to describe myself, I would definitely say, I am someone who can endure hardships well. Let's say if a task is given to me during work, even though I may hate it, I will still carry out my duty and responsibility because I hate being looked down at and I despise people bitching about that I can't do my job well.

My star signs describe me as determined, able to endure and assertive - checked and correct.

At the same time, you know, I hate to admit this but I expect people who I hang out with to be of the same standards as I am, or maybe higher standard. I tend to be choosy when it comes to making friends. In another word, I am bossy so, you may hate me for that but don't blame me for it because it came together with my genes when I was born. Usually, I am not the one who initiates friendships. My mindset is, "If you wanna be my friend, you should come to me." Of course, there are exceptions but still, you may hate me for being unfriendly. It is okay. One thing I can be sure of is that if you are my BFF, I will forever remain loyal to you unless, yes, UNLESS, you betray me! So, don't step on my tail and don't crush my beliefs!

The fact that I love to talk is no longer a secret. Alongside with being a smooth-talker with a little tendency to be shy at times, I guess I am good in persuading people. In another word, I would describe myself as eloquent and persuasive. As much I can go on talking and talking and talking, sometimes, friends would tell me not to be too straight-forward but what can I do? I hate hiding facts and truths because these things are bound to be known by others one day, so, why go through all the troubles to hide it, right?

I tend to be quite dominant at times because of my star signs. I guess that is one of the reasons why I broke up so many times. LOLX! That was a joke. Hahahaha... See... I can still joke about, that means I am doing pretty well being alone on my birthday. Okay, I like it when I am the one taking leads and instructing. Dominant, huh?

Another thing I know about myself is that if I have my goals and objectives set, I can be very persistent. I am someone that will do anything by hook or by crook to achieve my dreams but as of now, I am trying to keep a low profile because due to this personality of mine, I've stirred quite a number of troubles among the relatives and friends. No, I will never sell my body just to achieve my goal. I am strongly against changing sex partners or stuffs like that but if that is your lifestyle, I won't say you can't do it but you're old enough to be your own judge.

Life is too precious to be wasted if you're diagnosed with STDs, HIV or AIDS at a young age due to practising free sex or one night stands so, as persistent as I am, if you're looking for sex partners, don't come to me because I am not interested. Judge me all that you want, label me as conservative, shitty or stuffs, I still remain solid with my stand because there are just too many things I want to do with my life instead of making stupid mistakes.

Alright, I think I will end this entry here. Before I leave, this is something to back my star signs up just in case I am trying to find fault with myself. LOLX!

Occasionally these people will be tempted to gamble or risk everything for the sake of one thing. They can have little moments of madness where they do silly things, especially with money. This weakness is most often overcome as the Aries Ox gets older and wiser with a more controlled and sensible attitude towards finances.

Let's just see if I can get wiser after today. Hahahaha...


Next entry is gonna be my journey with Lancôme and one of their newest products - Visionnaire. Yes, stay tune for more!

Stay happy, cheerful and healthy!

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