Thursday, October 27, 2011

Raindrops falling on me

Whenever I feel raindrops falling on me, whenever I hear Leehom's 依然爱你, my memory betrays me and brings me back to the moment when you first took my hands and told me we'd both work hard to make things happen.

It also brings back the feeling when you first reached out to touched my face and told me, "Please stop laughing because I'll feel awkward if you keep on laughing like that."

It feels weird there are so many things I do everyday that remind me of the past memories that we've shared over the short 2 months of courtship. All of a sudden, nothing is left behind with your departure...

I remember the bed where we both sat and watched Kung Fu Panda together when I said to you, "Wei Sheng, don't you think Bo resembles you?" You raised your eyebrows and asked me, "Are you sure? You know, just like Bo, I find it difficult to find my inner peace. It just feels so difficult."

I remember the seats at the cafe we frequented where we had our first, second and third dates with you trying your best to crack jokes but with me ended up telling you the coldest and lamest humour ever. Still, you laughed even though I thought it was stupid.

I remember the path that we've walked on a rainy day with you telling me, "Don't worry, I'll shield you."

I remember the sofa where you first pulled me into your embrace and told me, "I wish we could stay this way forever. I'm sorry I haven't spend enough time with you."

I remember the time when our lips met, I was giggling through the whole episode while trying to bite your lips and having you telling me, "Hey, that's not the right way to kiss!"

I remember the kiss you gave me after eating curry and the stain was transferred to my lips. You laughed and ran into the lift, telling me, "I'm going to leave and make you miss me!"

I remember you telling me, "Angel, I'm sorry that I've always make you wait. I promise whenever I'm done with my work at the hospital, I'll spend more time with you."

Finally, I remember the hug that ended with an unexpected goodbye. I never wanted to believe it was the last time you'd be nearby because the thought hurts and deep down inside, I know there will never be someone that could replace you or the memories we've shared.

It is true that my story with Dr. Wong Wei Sheng ended with a heartbreaking goodbye and I had to go through a series of pains having to erase his memories. It pained me, I keep thinking about him. I wish those 2 months we've been together would forever be alive but I know it'll never be even close to possible because so many things have taken place and worse of all, the memory of the pain of seeing him holding another girl right in front of me.

I know you all will think I am an idiot to keep on reminding myself of Wei Sheng. If I could do that within a second, I would but I just couldn't. Two months have passed by and I have yet to completely erase him from my memory.

I can't believe I'm actually tearing at the time I'm writing this entry. I know as well no matter how much tears I've cried will never bring back the trust I once had for him neither will it bring back the good times we've shared.

Deep down inside, no matter how mad I am at him for cheating on me, I don't wish for him to give up doing what he's doing now. Before I end this heartbreaking entry for once again, my confession is, yes, I still miss him quite a lot despite he broke my heart into million of pieces that no one will be able to put them back together.

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