Cindy is true when she mentioned about if there is no problem, don't go look for one.
I used to always blame myself when relationships went wrong because throughout my life, even up to this point of time, I feel like I will never meet the RIGHT man.
Call me negative but if you're in the same boat as me, you wouldn't be saying so now.
So, what is the definition of RIGHT man?
Someone who accept you for who you are or someone whom he has turned you into - the girl of his dream?
Honestly, I'd say, either way, it's wrong. No one would be able to accept you for who you are without getting to know you over a period of time and then again, if he wants to turn you into the girl of his dream, you can tell him to suck on because girls, guys like that don't deserve you. You're special inside out and upside down. You know very well there's ONLY ONE you in this whole wide world so why bother to change the ever so unique you just because he wants you to be his dream girl?
Let me give you few scenarios.
You were a 100kg fatso. You kind of met the guy of your dream at the age of 17. He didn't even realize your existence. You vowed to slim down. With the help of your family and friends, you finally dropped 40kg. Now, you've gotten his attention. He finally took a glance at you, then, the second glance and then, the third and the fourth. You thought to yourself, "I'm gonna have a fairytale ending!"
One day, he called you and said, "I'm heartbroken, I fell in love with a girl but she is attached to another guy. I don't know who to turn to but you." Deep down inside, you were bleeding. It took you 2.5 years to shed off that additional 40kg just to have him looking at you but you've gotten nothing in return.
Few months later, he called and asked you to wait for him at the KTM station, promising he'd be picking you up and sending you to your best friend's house even if it was late at night. You reached the designated KTM station at 11.45pm and voila, he SMS-ed you, "Sorry, I can't pick you up tonight. I've promised my friend to a game of badminton." This time, you went, "What the fuck are you trying to pull? I am a girl and you're leaving me stranded at the KTM station alone at 12am?"
Only after quite some time, you got to know, all these times, he was only using you because you are the one who fell for him and waited for him for 5 years just for him to tell you he was into you but alas, he wasn't you destiny and will never be your destiny!
Lesson #1 - Between love and hate? HATE! Don't change because of a guy, change because you wanna be better!
People told you that you were too choosy and that you ought to lower down your expectations. Then, you met him when you thought to yourself, "This one will be different because I've lowered my expectations." You thought you were right but it ended up disastrous because this guy asked for money and sex. His lame excuse was, "You're gonna marry me in future so, having sex now or in future will be the same. Then again, your money will be my money too."
Further more, he put you down in front of everyone by saying you are fat and ugly. Then, he tried to hook up with your best girl friends.
At that point, all of a sudden, you realized something. You should NEVER lower your expectations because even though no one is perfect but no one is as moronic as a guy who would ask money and sex from his girlfriend.
Lesson #2 - Between love and hate? DESPISE and ABHOR! Never listen to people around you, listen but be your own judge but when it comes to lowering your expectations, DON'T DO SO! Others may be right but they may not know what the little voice inside you want to say.
You met this guy online - it started out with purely friendship - SMS-ing and MSN-ing. Over a period of time, you guys gotten flirtatious and then, there came a day when you guys met up after quite some time. He told you he liked you and that he would not toy with your feelings. He wanted to get to know you better before taking another step forward. He said both of you needed more time.
All of a sudden, he stopped contacting you, then, 2 weeks later, somehow, you got to know he got attached to a female doctor.
Lesson #3 - Between love and hate? HATE EM!!! Don't blame him, blame yourself for not able to be a doctor - she has higher qualification even though obviously you are prettier than her. Don't trust whatever things a guy says regarding, "We need to get to know each other before we move on. I have no intention to cheat you but I really wanna get to know you better." BULLSHIT! Reason was easy - he got to know this female doctor only after he has known you, so, bullshit! Never give your 100% trust to a guy!
You thought to yourself, "Finally, I land myself with a doctor, a future specialist! I am gonna be the most understanding girlfriend ever!" You did not want to suspect him because it was difficult for both of you to even got together, hence, you vowed you'd be true to him no matter what.
When he turned down your intentions to run errands for busy him and to send him meals, you thought, "I know he's busy, I must be understanding." You were wrong because honestly, if a boyfriend, out of 10 times turns down 9 times of the girlfriend's kind intentions, there should be something wrong!
You suspected him but said nothing about it until pooooffff... you caught him going out with another girl. His lame excuse was, "She is my ex, my parents' favourite. I was asked to go back to her."
Lesson #4 - Never try to be too understanding. Stand up on your feet and slap him if you should! Be stern with your expectations even if the guy is a professional. No one deserves you if he is not understanding. Jerk.
I have heard people telling me that I'm too pessimistic but if you were me with regard from the above scenarios, will you still tell me the same thing?
The trust was once there.
The faith was once there too.
The love was long ago there when it started.
The world came crashing down when the same thing happened over and over and over again. So now, tell me... am I pessimistic, too stupid beyond words or failure?
Bear in mind not to judge me because you are not me and you've not gone through those series of pain that I've been through. Don't tell me what I should do or should have done. Again, you are not me to be the judge.
So, between love and hate, you be the judge - the people around you can only tell you what they see from the surface whereas you are the one who is in the relationship, so, listen to the voice inside you, don't make wrong decisions like me.