"A smile happens in a flash, but its memory can last a lifetime."
Memories are really weird. At the time when you least expect them the most, they can just cross your mind within a split second.
Just three months back, I thought my life would somehow be different from the day I got to know you - I thought my failure in relationships over the past years would disappear with your presence in my life.
Boy... how that really brings back a lot of memories, especially at the time when I first got to meet you in person after anticipating for quite some time. I remember how my heart skipped a bit when you asked me out for lunch and how I spent the whole afternoon, dressing and making up just so I could put my best self forward.
I remember how disappointed I was when you walked out of my life for the first time. I thought to myself, "Everything that we've built on trust is going to perish..." but in the end, you came back. You put back my broken heart with your return.
This song really brings back memories after memories of you and all your promises every time I listen to it. I wish things could be easier on me, just like how life moves on for you.
Friends were telling me me, "Angel, a guy like him doesn't deserve a second chance. There are a lot of guys better than him and for sure you'll meet your Mr. Right in no time. So, don't rush..." My decision back then was only to give both of us a second chance but never did it come across my mind whatever that takes place today is what I've brought upon myself.
I wasn't rushing honestly, I was hoping it could be him, that was all that was in my mind. I've never thought about second chance or anything - I just wanted it to be you and it was as simple as that.
I guess perhaps, Someone up there did not approve of us, somehow or rather, we drifted apart firstly with my absence for two weeks from KL. After that, everything went downhill. We communicated less and less... We talked to each other about ourselves less and less because I noticed you were ignoring me. Even though I thought to myself, "You are right, we shouldn't rush things, we should give ourselves more time to get to know each other better before we move on."
I wished hard for that day to happen because I thought you were different from all the jerks that I've met over the years. Perhaps you don't know, I was really thankful to God for sending me an angel when I needed someone but I was really, really, really wrong.
Despite how much tears that have flowed, I know you'll never come back because I was right when things went downhill for us, "You've met someone new."
There are just so many questions people around me are curious about. In fact, I wanted to just ditch all the memories about you - YES, I WILL DITCH ALL THE MEMORIES OF YOU but I still need some time because I need to do so since YOU ARE NOT A WORTHY PERSON.
Perhaps you are happy that I think you are not a worthy person because you're happily attached to someone I've least expected you to after all the promises you've made...
So, to answer all questions people have been throwing me, here goes nothing.
Of all the guys in the world, why him?
First and foremost, I have to agree to a saying that goes, "Love grows with time." I didn't decide that in 3 days but it all started with the flirts and "I miss you-s." I cannot answer the question of, "Why him?" but what I can say is, "I thought he is different."
Why did you give him a second chance despite having people around you telling you not to? You're arrogant!
I admit, I am arrogant but everyone deserves a second chance. He did nothing wrong back then, he walked out of my life and that was all - he didn't cheat, lie or anything, so, I thought by giving him a second chance meant giving both of us a second chance to go a step further.
You're an idiot, I told you not to do so already!
Yes, I am a total idiot in this game. Yes, you've told me so but what can I do now? The past is the past, I can only reminisce now.
What exactly did he do that makes you so disappointed and angry?
Alright, I actually intended to keep it between BFF, stupid sister, Vince and myself only but.... there are no secrets anyway... Well, he was the one who told me to be myself, to be honest and not to hide. So, I guess all those that he has told me were NOTHING BUT CRAPS!
Girls, you have to remember, whenever you're trying to impress a guy, never listen to all the crappy talks about, "Just be yourself," "I like the way you are," "You don't need to change anything for you're unique in your own ways," "Be honest because there's nothing to hide," or even, "Just be yourself."
THOSE ARE CRAPS!
When you are honest, he will just take it as an excuse that he's scared of you. In fact, this is the most stupid excuse ever happens in the history of dating. NEVER TRY TO BE YOURSELF! Sad but true, YOU HAVE TO IMPRESS HIM!
Blame it on myself for being stupid and lame because I thought he is different and it would do both of us good if we could be honest. Little did I guess, when I was trying to be honest, he was not.
All the talks about not rushing into a relationship is BULLSHIT because when I was slowing things down, on the contrary, he started a new relationship with someone he knew not long ago. So, WHO THE HELL WAS RUSHING? Was it him or was it me? He cut off all meant of communication between us and within a week or two, he started a new lovey-dovey relationship with someone more eligible than me, a doctor.
Vince came up with one conclusion, "That guy wasn't sincere from the beginning. A worthy guy never tells lies - he will never tell a girl to wait for him and then, gets attached with another girl and announces it over facebook. A worthy guy doesn't waste a girl's time, instead, if you're not meant to be, he will be honest with you. A worthy guy doesn't give empty promises because he knows the pain of being tormented by empty promises. A worthy guy will never let a girl waits for him even if it means he is not interested in her at all. A worthy guy is not childish because he knows the true value of relationship and if he toys with it, karma will strike. Cheer up, he is NOT a worthy guy and I'm sure you know that now. It's never too late to learn your lesson if you're willing to let go."
I guess at the moment Vince came up with his conclusion, I was already crying, yes, in public - we were at McD's. I wished and wished all those would never happen but it happened. I wished I would never have known you but it happened.
Now that you've known what he did to you, do you hate him?
Yes, I hated him and I hated the girl but who am I to hate them? I'm not God and no matter how much I wish karma would strike and they'd break up and that he'll end up being misery all his life but who am I to say all that? The thing I hate is the moment we've got to know each other - we shouldn't have been even friends or getting close to each other. So, instead of spending time to hate him, why not just get over it, right? Life without him is more colourful!
I want to know, do you REALLY hate him?
I did but I knew even if I did hate him, so what? He wouldn't care because he is happily attached to Miss Doctor and he wouldn't even give a shit to know what kinda life he has put me through, so, why waste my time to even think about this worthless guy?
Are you guys still friends?
I guess we are NOT friends at the moment I found out whatever he has told me in the past are nothing but lies and more lies. All the late nights "I miss you-s" are moronically nothing but lies because he was saying "I miss you" to me but who the hell would know he was thinking about Miss Doctor, since he never was honest.
Then, third chance?
HELL NO! He doesn't deserve any chance from any girl. Vince was right, even if he really ends up with Miss Doctor, they're building their relationship on my injury and pain, hence, God knows and I shouldn't dwell just because of a guy like him. I know perhaps, if he is reading this now, he'll be thinking, "Who the hell do you think you are, Angel? Don't even dream of me going back to you because you're totally worthless piece of shit and I've had fun toying with and you're ugly, fat and slutty, bitchy and stupid
Honestly, right now I DON'T CARE because well... it's not important any longer. My future is more important than you.
Are you sane enough to say all those things now?
Pretty much - I am more towards neutral after letting out so many things.
Will you regret?
Regret? Why? Life is too precious to be wasted on someone like him! He's better off with her because I am not good enough for him that you know, I know, I am a high maintenance girl and I expect a lot from my partner. If you can't fulfill what I'm asking for, scram!
Then, forgive him if you don't give a damn!
I've told you already - who am I to be angry and who am I to forgive? If he seeks forgiveness, ask from God, not me.
Ahhh... too many questions to answer... Nevertheless... there's nothing more to say because we're not friends but we're not enemies. It goes the same like, I don't love him nor do I hate him. Let God do the rest because just like what Alice told me 4 years back, "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it."
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