Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Life as it is...

I really hate to admit it but some times, life doesn't revolve around me. There are other people involve in the whole progress of learning what life is all about, hence, you will expect heartbreaks after heartbreaks.

I finally come to the term that no matter how hard I've tried to be a perfect daughter, I never will be. Among three of us, my parents put the highest hope, pressure and expectation on me. Ever since I was little, they expected a lot from me and honestly, until this very day, I am still feeling the pressure but what can I do?

Life has never been easy on me ever since I was little. I grew up as the fat girl next door, being jeered and looked down at. When I was in the growing up phase where all my female friends got into relationships with their dream guys, I was being thrown about because nobody appreciated me for who I am. All those talks about how special I was on the inside were mere craps!

Nobody ever know how I've cried myself to sleep or how I've to stand up on my feet to deal with all the heartbreaking surprises life has for me. It is true that things that don't kill you make you stronger because whenever I feel myself growing stronger, more issues seem to approach me, refusing to let go.

Regarding not being able to be a perfect daughter, at the same time, I think I can't be a perfect sister to both my brother and also sister. I am feeling torn in between where the parents are expecting me to settle all the crappy bullshits that my brother and sister have created.

Am I God or something?

I am not complaining but the fact is, this is way too much than what I can handle!

I am yet another typical human being with feelings and right now, I am feeling all the pressures building inside me. I can't breathe, I can't concentrate and I can't stay focus!

I wish I could just be dead at the moment I'm blogging all about it.

Talking about having someone with you to share your ups and downs with, dear God, why is that someone not here yet? I'm almost dead from all the torments and as much as I wish I could be a perfect daughter and sister, there are still things that are out of my comfort zone and thereafter, I will be brushing my hands off these brother-sister issue once and for all.

No comments: