Tuesday, January 4, 2011

If you'd believe...

People come and go in our lives - it's only those who leave imprints in our heart will be there as friends forever. For a person with as simple mind as I am, friendships are blessings in disguise.

Throughout the years of being away from home, I learned how to be independent. At the same times, I knew when I needed someone, I'd be alone out there, hence, those special people whom we regard as friends will come into picture.

I do label myself a simple person - inside out if you'd believe me. I get contented pretty easily emotionally and spiritually even though, I'm not easily contented materialistically. I laugh easily at people's coldest jokes and I love making everyone's day brighter.

Friendship is not about how much you'd get in return but for me it's about how far you're willing to go for a particular friend or are you willing to put in effort to keep that particular friendship or not.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect friend nor am I claiming I am a perfect person by offering a helping hand. I'm one of God's creations too and I have flaws as well, just like each and everyone of you out there.

There are times when I find myself in situations where it is difficult to communicate with my friends. Perhaps, just perhaps, the problem is within me or perhaps, it's not within me, I don't know - maybe I am the one having a lot of issues while you're just too perfect to be around me.

It seriously hurts if your best friend mistaken your intention when you're trying to offer warmth and help.

It's even worse if he or she goes about and tell people around you what they think is happening is the truth without consulting you - yes, it seriously hurt so bad especially when whatever they're telling others are not the truth and you happen to be the last person on Earth to be aware of it.

Yes, you've told others, "I don't want to hurt her because she's a good friend," but are you positive you know what is in my mind all these times? Do we REALLY think alike or is it you're assuming things?

One thing I am sure, it is because of your unjustified assumption that brings us to where we are today.

Perhaps, throughout all the times being friends, slowly, the distance is separating us because according to you, "People change from time to time." Maybe you find it hard to talk to me now, maybe I'm no longer a significant friend whom you can depend on, hence, you'd rather tell others what you're feeling instead of asking me what is wrong with us.

Maybe, I no longer understand what kind of person you are now but just to let you know, since the day you've decided to avoid me, everything about the friendship between us has changed.

Perhaps you're unsure what avoiding problems really means but to me, the moment that you've chosen to run away from me truly smashed my heart into bits and pieces that is nearly impossible for anyone to put them back together.

Maybe what I've done in the hope of trying to ease your burden in reality have caused you to misunderstand my intention - my apologies. I did not mean to create this misunderstanding. It's just maybe, I'm just ignorant - I'm ignorant about how you feel, I'm ignorant about how you'd react and I'm ignorant of everything about you.

People change... and from time to time... hence, I guess you're right... I'm a changed person now but still, I'm a person who's learning how to embrace my flaws.

If you'd believe what I'm telling you, please do not repeat the same mistaken to your other friends.

If you'd believe me again, I guess the friendship between us will be very, very different from today onwards.

If you'd believe, yes, I am hurt inside out, upside down.

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