Sunday, April 26, 2009

I'll be right by your side...

I had a dream.

All of us were on a holiday trip to a really nice place - a place where flowers were blossoming and leaves were greening. The scenery was just so, so beautiful.

I was walking along a path when all of a sudden a stranger approached me, pointed a knife at me and said, "I'm going to kidnap you!"

All of a sudden, he came into the picture and told her to-be kidnapper, "Let her go and kidnap me instead."

Before he went off, he held my hands and apologized, "I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted the best for you."

Then, I woke up.

I felt super emotional when I was up. I thought of everything that we've been through together and the phrase, love conquers all, kept on whirling on my mind. Perhaps for minority it is true but for me, I will never put my trust so easily in all these lovey-dovey stuffs ever again.

Love is indeed a miracle for somebody but for another person, it might be a total bullshit and so sad to tell you that my feeling falls in that bullshit category right now.

As much as I wanted to believe in love, I found it really tough now. I remember once, when I went to SFX with friends for the Sunset Mass, there was a couple, an elderly couple. The lady couldn't move around much. When the priest said, "May the peace of the Lord be with you all," the elderly man turned to his wife, hugged and kissed her on the cheeks.

I turned to one of my friends and said, "OMG, did you see that?" She was smiling at me and said, "There will be a day when you'll be in the same situation."

I really envied them and wondered if I will be in the old lady's situation. If you want to know, things are different now from the past. A part of me somehow knows that I'll never be in her situation or maybe even relationship will never cross my path.

I'm never cut out for love perhaps.

Previously, the same situation happened to me once and I told myself if I am to meet this kinda person again in this lifetime, I'll never ever going to forgive him - I am going to hate him. Unfortunately for him, he is the person after the previous guy, so, I really don't know how am I going dig out the courage to ever forgive or maybe forget him.

All those lovey-dovey SMSes made me wonder if he really did care and loved me before things went downhill for us - perhaps, he was only toying with my feeling... perhaps, he was not. Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter any longer.

I think I'll go through another three quarter of my life or maybe less, concentrating in studies, work and my family. Love is totally out of the way for the time being because I've stopped believing in it for the time being.

Maybe, the day when I can finally talk to him again will be the day I've managed to put everything behind and start to believe in love for once again.

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