Monday, April 4, 2011

If it's you...

Let's just say I've let the emotional side of me got hold of my consciousness. No, I don't like to ramble about relationship stuffs but who else can I turn to when I've been feeling so disturbed, disappointed and disheartened?

I call it the 3D effect - Disturbed, Disappointed, Disheartened.

Good relationships don't just happen or at least, I believe it is so. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together for a lasting relationship. For this to happen, some people like me may have to wait a lifetime to find the right person for them.

How long is a lifetime?

If you want me to answer that question now, I really don't know. It could be 10 years, 20 years or maybe 30 years!

Even so, there are times we fall for ones who won't catch us and we have to hit the ground to find the ones that will. I guess in my case, I've hit the ground like a gazillion times and been hospitalized for years due to numerous serious falls.

I was talking to a friend earlier about the series of emotional breakdowns that I'm having lately and she laughed at my so-called hypothesis. I told her, "It could be a curse! Perhaps I have been cursed that I will never ever find Mr. Right until I am 30!"

Bestie was laughing her jaws off and said, "Right, you'll meet your Mr. Right when you're 30 and it'll be a fairy tale ending."

Honestly, I don't need whatever fairytale ending or stuffs like that.

It's not that I wanna come up with a hypothesis like that. It doesn't just happen over a night or two. Perhaps, it's time for me to just totally give up hope on the L-O-V-E game. You see... every time when I fell for a guy in the past, everything started out great from friends but with passing time, I found out that these guys started to avoid me.

Okay, it could be me - hey... I can't ditch the thought that it has something to do with my appearance - un-sexy, un-pretty and un-slim. So, this is the 3U effect. I've grown up being injected by the thought that guys are only after those slim, slender and sexy girl - the 3S effect. Since I'm neither of the 3S, it is no wonder I got dumped every time.

I've been trying to find fault with myself because seriously, like forever! It was like that in the past and it'll be the same for God-knows-how-long.

I really hoped I wasn't wrong in thinking perhaps this time around, I could be right instead of wrong but then again, I guess this is another case of human beings plan and God decides. I've heard saying that goes like...

Perhaps cupid is having hard time trying to find the type of person that is worth your love.

No, not true. There's NO such thing as cupid or stuffs like that. No bluffing but really, no such thing as cupid ever! Those are only for kids!

It is not about what you know and how you feel. It's about how you react with what you feel and what you do with what you know.

I was so looking forward to everything he's promised but I guess just as stupid sister has put it, "Just ditch that thought of yours, it's NOT gonna come true!"

My sister can be pretty straight forward sometimes but that's the truth. No matter how much I hope it's not the truth, somehow or rather, I do know that's reality and reality sucks!

Maybe God is trying to play a game on me, I don't know but what I know is... I'm tired of this love game and thereafter...

But still, I am good, great and goddamn good, so this is the 3G effect. LOLX!

Have a great week ahead, people!

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